The greatest crimes do not arise from a want of feeling for others but from an over-sensibility for ourselves and an over-indulgence to our own desires

We all love to indulge in something we like. When we are down it makes us feel better to go shopping, eat something ( like candy apples lol) or go out with friends. Indulgence make us feel better for a while, but when we use it the wrong way we feel the need to indulge again. To cover pain, numb our aches, and can turn into a addiction. That can quickly turn like cancer to our soul. Becoming attached, or addicted can imprison us. So what do I indulge in to make myself feel better? People indulge in so many different things….. like….. spending money, gambling, bingeing, shopping, drinking, working, cleaning, exercising, drugs, lovers… o the list goes on. But I think my temporary fix for awhile was attention. Who does not like attention, being flirted with? It makes you feel pretty. And being a single mom of 4 kids I do enjoy this attention. Especially when my kids see it and are grossed out, because some guy is flirting with mom, or they try and embarrass me hahaha. This is definitely a pick me up. But sometimes is a problem. Something that’s been upsetting me. Because I seem to attract a lot of men that are not single. Not that every guy that approaches me is, but a lot are. At first I admit it’s flattering, but the more it happens, and the more i think about it the more awful I feel. And such a empty feeling it leaves. They are not really saying that I’m special, or I’m the one. He is not trying to cheat with me because I’m so good, but because I’m not good enough to the “THE” woman. He does not see me as lifetime, but only a good time. "Other" woman = Overplayed Toy He Eventually Releases. And even if he does really mean… i no longer loved her, I’m leaving her… I’m I just the back up plan, or the rebound? And if they really do want to get to know me, would they not wait till they are single and healed from the last relationship before perusing me? Don’t I deserve that? So why do I keep attracting these men? Now some of my best friends are men, some married or with someone that respect me and love me, and don’t act like this. But this is something that is bothering me. I don’t want to be a temporary fill to men, so what am I doing wrong? Do I like the attention so much that I allow it from just anyone? This is not what I want. Yes I do want to feel pretty, and attractive, but also want respect. Has this become a addiction? Maybe I need to check where my heart is. What can I do to help myself. I do want attention but from a single man that wants to get to know me, not use me, but respect me. The more I search I find myself back at god. My sister posted on her fb page…. if a man is not after the Lords heart, then he should not be after mine…. I LOVE that. So where should my heart be. Maybe I need to ignore this attention, and be careful how I respond to this attention. Maybe I need my fill to be from God, and not man. Someday I want to be the one to someone. I want to love all the attention from a man that truly wants to love me and only me. But right now growing closer to god. And just to be clear…. attention was what I indulged in, not being intimate. And I’m not giving a excuse for these men. They are responsible for their own actions. But for now on for me, I’m careful with what attention a take and who I give mine to. I no longer need to feel this need, I’m happy with in myself. I will respect myself more and guard myself from this attention. Although excepting the flirt from the guy at the gas station (or wherever) to gross my kids out is still awesome lol. But my indulging for myself can be in a good book, or extra ice cream. Yum!